Today is the last day of January, and I am glad to see this month go. January 2015 has not been very kind to me. Our first day back to work was January 5. I had been in inservice for just over an hour, when I get a text that Payton had fallen and hit her head. I didn't think a lot of it until I got a picture of her with a giant knot on her forehead. I called her pediatrician just to be safe, and they wanted us to come in right away. They did a skull xray and a full neurological exam and diagnosed her with a mild concussion. We were told to monitor her closely. Then that Thursday night she began running fever, fever after concussion can be a sign of a brain bleed, brain damage, or meningitis. Luckily, Rylee began to run fever soon after and it was determined to be just a virus.
Then Rylee began having trouble using the bathroom. She would scream and cry and say it hurt. One day at school, it became too much, and she was sent home sick, so Granny and Paw Paw came to get her and took her to the local Urgent Care. The dr couldn't get a sample from her but diagnosed her with a UTI and gave her an antibiotic. That didn't sit well with me, and the next day after it had been a full 36 hours since her last time peeing, I got concerned and took her to her pediatrician. He was livid that a dr gave her antibiotics without taking a sample, and he did some tests and found she did not have a UTI, she had an irritation in her private area, she was dehydrated, and she was fighting some sort of virus. We were told to do sits baths and give her lots of fluids and she would be good as new. But nothing is ever that easy with Rylee Love. She was diagnosed with situational anxiety when she was 4, and she struggles when something out of the ordinary happens. She got it in her head going to the restroom was going to hurt and began holding in her poop. She would pee a few times a day, but not poop. After a week of this, we had to give her a suppository to make her go. But she is still scared of going and has started going in her pants at night while she sleeps. This all started on the 13th and is still going on. I worry about her and her extreme fear. I want to help her, but I'm not sure how. It is a helpless feeling to watch your child struggle and not have a clue how to help her.
On Tuesday, January 20, I experienced the worst day of my life. I had planning with my blue wing teachers after school, so I was working late and I didn't have my phone on me. I get back to my phone and I have some missed calls and a text from my sister. I knew something was going on, but I wasn't sure what. Then I finally got a hold of her and found out my younger brother, Ben, was in ICU, he had taken a lot of Tylenol and they weren't sure if he was going to make it. The news hit me like a ton of bricks. We were super close growing up. We are only 15 months apart, so we were best friends and playmates, even as we were grew into teenagers and young adults we were very close. Then some things went down in Fall of 2010 and I let it come between us way more than it should have and we didn't talk much anymore. So many fears and regrets filled my mind and all I could do was pray. If that wasn't enough to deal with, around 9:30 that same night, we heard a strange sound over the baby monitor. Ryan went to check on Payton and quickly called for me. She was struggling to breathe. She was in obvious respiratory distress. We gave her some albuteral that we had at home, but it didn't help much, so Ryan rushed her to the ER. They quickly gave her a breathing treatment and a steroid. She had croup and it had hit all of the sudden and led to her respiratory distress. That was so scary.
Wednesday, I felt like I was floating outside of my body. My heart hurt so much, but I tried to work through the pain. Thursday was the same until around 4, I got the call I had been dreading. My older brother Josh called and told me we needed to come quick. The doctors didn't think Ben had very much time left, and we needed to get there to get a chance to say goodbye. It was my first time flying and my first time leaving my girls for an extended amount of time, but none of that mattered. We had to get to our brother! When family needs you, you don't ask questions, you just GO. Our time in Boston at the hospital was a roller coaster. We had so many ups and downs it was hard to keep it straight. By the time we left Monday to a avoid a blizzard and being snowed in away from our families, the doctors were "cautiously optimistic" for a full recovery. A lot can change in the blink of an eye. Today I spoke with Ben over the phone and afterwards he got to take a walk. This time last week there was so much uncertainty, it's hard to believe how much has changed. Ben still has a lot of healing to do, but I have faith God has a bigger purpose for this pain and will use it for His glory.
Coming home to my girls was bittersweet. I love them and missed them so much, but it was hard to be away from Ben in his time of need. I felt like my heart was in 2 places. My girls missed me while I was gone and have been in need of my constant attention since I got back, and me leaving has seemed to make Rylee's anxiety issues even worse. I got back to work on Wednesday, and was busy playing catch-up for the rest of the week. It feels like this week alone has lasted a lifetime.
Yesterday was our 100th day of school, so we dressed like we were 100 years old. I feel like I am about 100 years old after all we've been through this month, but I know my God is greater. I have faith in His will and His perfect timing. I am also glad tomorrow is a new month!
