So Monday morning the alarm rang at 4:30 AM, and it was time for us to begin to get ready to go to the hospital. We arrived right on time at 6, and began the process of admitting me to the hospital. My hands were shaking, my heart was racing; I could barely hear the nurses' questions over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. I was beyond nervous. As they inserted the IV needle into my arms to begin my saline drip, I began to cry. Before Monday, I had never been admitted to a hospital, I had never had an IV, and I had definitely never had major surgery. I was terrified. I was so nervous about the procedure, I hadn't even really thought about what this surgery meant, I was gonna be a mommy! Anyways, I was scared something was gonna go wrong, but as they inserted my spinal and my body began to numb, I started to feel like maybe everything was gonna be just fine.
As they laid me on the table and allowed Ryan into the room to hold my hand, they began to test if I was numb. I told them I could feel them pinching me, that it felt like pinpricks, but they assured me this was normal. I was under the impression that I wouldn't feel anything, boy was I wrong! As the Dr made the incision, I began to feel a lot of pressure, but I was numb at the incision site and I felt no real pain. Until the Dr slid his hand inside the incision to try to find the baby. I could feel his hand inside of me, I could feel the nurses pressing on the top of my stomach, trying to push the baby down, I could feel it all. And, boy, did it hurt!! As I began to have a panic attack, the anesthesiologist realized that something was wrong and gave me a shot of orbital and zanex. I went unconscious and completely missed the birth of my babygirl. It turns out, my expectation of no pain made the pain I was feeling more intense than it probably really was. I feel like I would've done better if I was prepared beforehand..
Around 10 AM, I finally came to and was completely disoriented. I asked the nurse if I had actually had a baby and she said yes. She then informed me that my healthy babygirl was 7 pounds and 15.5 ounces and measured over 20 inches long. I cried when I realized that I had a daughter that I hadn't even had a chance to meet yet. Soon after they took me out of recovery and into my room, they brought my babygirl to me. As soon as she was in my arms, all the pain was completely forgotten. She was so beautiful, so perfect. I never could've imagined how much I could love her or how easy being her mommy would be. Everything just came to me. I knew exactly how to comfort her when she cried, exactly how to hold her to make her feel safe. I felt so comfortable with her. Seeing her face, I knew my entire life had just changed.
I didn't sleep at all the entire first day she was born. I couldn't take my eyes off her. All day and night I sat awake and held her in my arms. And then around 4 AM, I got some bad news. I had been trying to breast feed, and it had appeared she was eating, but apparently, I wasn't producing enough colostrum to satisfy her. My babygirl was severely dehydrated and very hungry. We had to begin feeding her bottle after bottle of pedialyte and formula. I felt like such a failure for not being able to provide for my baby. The nurses assured me that once my actual milk came in, I would be more than able to provide for her and that she was going to be just fine as soon as we got some fluids in her. And she was. She sucked down those bottles and went on like nothing ever happened.
On the second night, I got even more bad news. My blood type is O+ and Rylee's blood type is A+, this caused her to have an excess of Billi Rubin in her system, way more than her little liver could process, causing her to be very jaundiced. I watched as my sweet girl became more and more yellow right before my eyes. The pediatrician began to get worried and started to talk about getting her under some photo-therapy lights. So we had to learn how to use them and were given a set of portable photo-therapy lights. On the third day, when we were finally released we had to take them home with us and were advised to keep her under the lights for at least 20 hours of everyday. We could only take them off to feed her and change her. I was devastated. I couldn't even hold my babygirl.
Things definitely did NOT go smoothly with this delivery and directly thereafter, but I seriously could not be happier. I realize that when you're a mommy, things never go as planned, and I'm okay with that. I adore my sweet girl and I wouldn't trade her for the world. All the pain and difficulty was completely worth it. I am happier than I have ever been. I live to take care of this sweet girl and make sure she is happy and healthy. God has blessed me with a truly wonderful gift. My babygirl is my whole world, my whole heart, and I love every part of our story together so far. I can't wait to see what life has in store for us next!
