Summer Fun & Venting

     Yesterday, we took Rylee to the Ripley Tomato Festival and it was an absolute blast! There were great booths to shop and browse, lots of great junk food, fun music, and carnival rides. The kids had a ball. They rode so many rides including their very first roller coaster: The Dragon Wagon. I can definitely see a trip to Six Flags in our future. ;)

    Today, after church, Mary and I took the girls to see Monster University. They had so much fun. First, we took them to Pizza Hut and they pigged out on pizza and were being super silly, which was fine considering we had the whole place to ourselves. Then we headed to the movies, and the girls got a chance to play some arcade games while waiting for the movie to start. Once the movie started, the girls were perfect. They laughed and commented on what was going on, but otherwise were quiet and still. I could not believe how well they behaved, they must have REALLY enjoyed the movie! I must say, Mary and I enjoyed the movie as well. It was super cute!

    I've been having a bit of a hard time lately. I've been having a lot of anxiety and stress, and just feeling like no one really cares. A lot of my relationships seem to be shifting and I don't really understand why, but it's left me feeling a bit off-kilter and like I just don't know my place anymore.
     One thing I have been stressing about is moving grades at school: I am going from 1st grade to kindergarten this year. When I student taught, I loved kindergarten and was actually hoping to be able to teach kindergarten after graduation, but I got a job in first grade instead.I love teaching young children, so I know I will still be so happy with my job, but it's a hard time to change grades with me having a maternity leave this fall and everything. Between moving classrooms, trying to gather materials for kindergarten, and beginning to think about how to write leave plans for a grade I've never taught before, I'm a bit stressed.
     I am also pretty sad about summer coming to an end. Much of these last 2 weeks of summer break will be spent working on preparing for the upcoming school year, and then school will be back in full swing and things will get crazy again. I love staying home with Rylee, and would adore being a stay at home parent while my kids are young. I am thankful for my job, and I do feel a great passion and calling for what I do, I just feel like I could always teach once my children are school-aged and older, but I can't get back these early childhood years with my girls. I would sacrifice all the money in the world for more time with them. I like to shop for my girls, but they could do without material things in exchange for more quality time with mommy. If only...
    I find myself having intense anxiety about Payton. Things like birth defects, stillbirths, and SIDS make pregnancy and infancy very frightening. I have to constantly put my trust in God and his protection. I also already am kind of freaking out about sending Payton to daycare at 7 weeks old. I had to leave Rylee with family twice a week to go to classes at U of M when she was 11 weeks old, and it about killed me. I don't know how I'm going to leave Payton in daycare full time so young...
     But even on my worst days, my little family makes me so incredibly happy. I love Ryan, Rylee, and Payton so very much. For some reason, I just don't stress about adding Payton to our family at all. I am nothing but excited about her upcoming arrival. I know there is bound to be some jealousy from Rylee at first, but she is a great kid and she is a great helper. She already loves her baby sister so much; I know she is going to be wonderful with her. I cannot wait to have both of my sweet girls in my arms!