Why does it always seem like "short" weeks last 10x longer than normal weeks?! Monday we were out of school for President's Day. It was great to have some extra time with my little family and to finally get some time to relax. As much as I love a 3 day weekend, 4 day work weeks always seem to be way crazier than others, and this one was no exception.
Tuesday morning, my attendance clerk came in with a withdrawal form for one of my students. He was moving away! I embarrassed myself a little by tearing up when she told me, but she seemed to think it was endearing that I care so much. The whole process happened very suddenly, and it was super hard for me to say goodbye to him and his older brother who I taught last year. The students in my class are my babies, and I love them all. It is hard enough for me to say goodbye when the end of the school year comes in May, and even then the only thing that makes that a little easier is the excitement of the upcoming Summer break! But having to say goodbye early and unexpectedly makes me sad. I have been told more than once I get way too attached to my students, but I really can't help it. I have such a heart for children, and I absolutely love my students.
Wednesday we started the day with a LeBonheur Heart Fundraiser Celebration. The whole school participated in the fundraiser throughout the first 2 weeks of February, and we were celebrating that we reached and surpassed our goal of raising $5,000 to support LeBonheur Children's Hospital! There was a school wide incentive that students who raised more than a certain amount were going to be able to pie the principals in the face. Well, even though Rylee Love met that goal, she chose not to pie a principal. I knew she wasn't going to participate, but watching all the other kids who met the goal have so much fun and knowing she was missing out because she was too anxious to participate really hurt my heart. This picture of her class from that day absolutely breaks my heart. It's kinda hard to see, but she has her chin down and her bottom lip out in a full pout while most of her peers have huge smiles on their faces, and even though a few look like maybe they weren't ready for the picture to be taken, at least they don't look sad like she does. As if that wasn't enough for one day, as the day went on I had not one, but two different issues come up with parents of some of my students. Obviously, I wouldn't discuss those issues, but I left Wednesday with a huge headache and a thought in the back of my mind that maybe I should've been an accountant. It was just one of those days.
Unfortunately, the day didn't get better when we left school. At church Wednesday night, Rylee was being super clingy so she decided to come into the preschool class with me and Payton Joy instead of to her regular class. It was going alright for the most part until after the activity when all the children were given balloons. We left activity to go to craft, and the craft included working with pipe cleaners. You can imagine what happened next as the kids touched their balloons with the pipe cleaners and nearly all of their balloons popped at once. As if the noise from a balloon popping isn't enough to send Rylee Love into a meltdown, add that with the fact that she now did not have her beloved balloon any longer, and cue the screaming. We tried to calm her, but finally I gave up and just took her and Payton home. We got home and Rylee was still crying. I tried to put her to bed, but she started to freak out and came to me begging me to help her calm down. I held her in my arms in my bed and we both cried together until she finally fell asleep. By the time she fell asleep, she had been crying for nearly an hour and a half.
This is what I don't think most parents understand. Autistic meltdowns are not the same as tantrums. A tantrum is an attention seeking
behavior; a meltdown is a complete
loss of control. Until your child begs you for help because they don't want to be screaming and crying anymore than you want them to, until your child hyperventilates because they are so upset about not being able to make sense of their emotions in that moment, until your child becomes so overstimulated that even the slightest sound, smell, touch, or sight can set them off into a panic attack, please don't tell me how "proper discipline" can "fix" my child's autism.
Thursday afternoon, we had our initial review of Rylee's psychological evaluation with the school. Ryan and I met with Ms. Beth, the school counselor, a speech and language pathologist, and the SPED consulting teacher. We discussed what her test results were, what the doctors had recommended, what deficits and behaviors we were seeing at school, and what we thought would be the best plan of action in the future to best support her. Ms. Beth has been so awesome with Rylee this year, she has provided her with some much needed support, and that has made Rylee very successful in first grade. However, to protect Rylee and insure she always gets the support she needs, we will need to put an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) in place. It's not like I heard any new information in that meeting, but sometimes the simple reality that Rylee is not like her peers and will need these extra supports in order to be successful just gets to me. I love my child for who she is, and I wouldn't change a single thing about her, but I sure do wish I could make life easier for her. I have fought every single day since her diagnosis and even before then to try to raise awareness. I wish this world was more accepting of people's differences, but I do know that even now it is much more accepting than it was when my generation was growing up, and I hope that in time it will be even more so. Different is not less.
Friday wasn't as bad as the other days. It was actually a pretty good day. My students were awesome, like always, and I got the chance to meet my new student who will be starting Monday. But during my students' rest time, I happened to walk by the first grade restroom just in time to see Rylee run in with tears in her eyes. As she stood in the corner of the restroom crying softly, I called her to me and took her into the teacher work room, and as tears rolled down her little cheeks she said, "I've been in trouble all day, and I feel bad about myself, and I just want to go home!" I was genuinely confused. Her teacher uses a Class Dojo app that updates parents about their child's behavior throughout the day, and since my students were asleep at that time, I had just checked it. She hadn't received any "bad points" that day. I just hugged her tight and told her she was doing just fine, and reminded her we were almost to the weekend. Thankfully, that worked, and she was able to pull herself together and have an uneventful rest of the day. Later I found out she was having trouble with her 2 friends in her class. It has been pretty challenging for Rylee to make friends in the first place, so I really hate that this is going on. Apparently the drama starts in first grade these days. I really wish they would save this mess until middle school like we used to...
Today is Saturday, or as the girls like to call it, "Daddy Day!" I am thankful for another weekend to spend with my precious little family and very hopeful that next week will be better than this one was.
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