It's been a while..

     So... Rylee is going to be 2 months old this Saturday and I can't believe how time has flown. It seems like She was just born yesterday, but in other ways it seems like she's been around forever. I can't even imagine my life without her. We are definitely gettin the hang of things. Now that Ryan finally got a full-time job (Thank God!!), we are gettin an everyday routine down.

      That routine will soon be altered as classes start up again in a week and a half, but it won't be too different. I'm dreading having to leave my babygirl, but I guess it's good for me to spend some time without her every now and again. I just hate not being the one caring for her every minute of everyday. It's not that I don't feel as though I leave her in capable hands, because I know my husband and her grandparents and great-grandparents all think the world of her and take very good care of her, it's just that I don't want to miss a single second, I don't ever want her to be sad or scared or hurt without me there to   comfort her. It's a kind of jealousy I guess that I feel when someone else takes care of her. It's a very strange feeling that I definitely did not expect.

    Anyways, a lot had changed with Ryles since I last wrote. She now stays awake for most of the day and sleeps pretty much through the night, only waking up twice to feed. She is very playful and alert. She smiles and sticks out her tongue. She scoots across the floor if you lay her on her tummy when she's not sleepy. She loves to swing and bounce and stair up at the ceiling fan. She also is obsessed with the TV, I think it's all the flashing pictures. Well, here's your update. Rylee's crying now, so I gotta go!

Trying to Get the Hang of Things

    So... Rylee is three weeks old today. We have had many adventures so far, and are still trying to get the hang of daily life and get settled into a comfortable routine. There are moments when I want to pull my hair out, but I adore my babygirl so very much, and I know things will settle down eventually. Every day there is something new to look forward to. Just yesterday during a routine diaper change, she began to pee full force and shot pee all over her room, herself, and me. All I could do was laugh and then clean it up. One day, I am going to tell her about these adventures and she is going to be mortified. Lol. I can't wait.

   But on the other hand, I can. It makes me sad how quickly she is growing up already. She changes every day. She's already learned to get her hand to her mouth so she can suck her thumb, how to lift up her head to look up at her mommy and daddy, how to reach up and swing at her dangling toys on her bouncer, and she's spending more and more time awake and alert each day.

   I don't want to miss a single minute, or wish this time together away, but I do look forward to when she begins to sleep through the night. Getting more than 3 hours of sleep at a time sounds like a dream come true. I love her so and do not mind taking care of her when she needs me, but I would really love for her to need me less between 10 pm and 8 am. Lol. But I am not the first mother to feel this way, and I know all too quickly, this chapter of our life will be over.

Everything Has Changed Now.

    So Monday morning the alarm rang at 4:30 AM, and it was time for us to begin to get ready to go to the hospital. We arrived right on time at 6, and began the process of admitting me to the hospital. My hands were shaking, my heart was racing; I could barely hear the nurses' questions over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. I was beyond nervous. As they inserted the IV needle into my arms to begin my saline drip, I began to cry. Before Monday, I had never been admitted to a hospital, I had never had an IV, and I had definitely never had major surgery. I was terrified. I was so nervous about the procedure, I hadn't even really thought about what this surgery meant, I was gonna be a mommy! Anyways, I was scared something was gonna go wrong, but as they inserted my spinal and my body began to numb, I started to feel like maybe everything was gonna be just fine.

    As they laid me on the table and allowed Ryan into the room to hold my hand, they began to test if I was numb. I told them I could feel them pinching me, that it felt like pinpricks, but they assured me this was normal. I was under the impression that I wouldn't feel anything, boy was I wrong! As the Dr made the incision, I began to feel a lot of pressure, but I was numb at the incision site and I felt no real pain. Until the Dr slid his hand inside the incision to try to find the baby.  I could feel his hand inside of me, I could feel the nurses pressing on the top of my stomach, trying to push the baby down, I could feel it all. And, boy, did it hurt!! As I began to have a panic attack, the anesthesiologist realized that something was wrong and gave me a shot of orbital and zanex. I went unconscious and completely missed the birth of my babygirl. It turns out, my expectation of no pain made the pain I was feeling more intense than it probably really was. I feel like I would've done better if I was prepared beforehand..

    Around 10 AM, I finally came to and was completely disoriented. I asked the nurse if I had actually had a baby and she said yes. She then informed me that my healthy babygirl was 7 pounds and 15.5 ounces and measured over 20 inches long. I cried when I realized that I had a daughter that I hadn't even had a chance to meet yet. Soon after they took me out of recovery and into my room, they brought my babygirl to me. As soon as she was in my arms, all the pain was completely forgotten. She was so beautiful, so perfect. I never could've imagined how much I could love her or how easy being her mommy would be. Everything just came to me. I knew exactly how to comfort her when she cried, exactly how to hold her to make her feel safe. I felt so comfortable with her. Seeing her face, I knew my entire life had just changed.

     I didn't sleep at all the entire first day she was born. I couldn't take my eyes off her. All day and night I sat awake and held her in my arms. And then around 4 AM, I got some bad news. I had been trying to breast feed, and it had appeared she was eating, but apparently, I wasn't producing enough colostrum to satisfy her. My babygirl was severely dehydrated and very hungry. We had to begin feeding her bottle after bottle of pedialyte and formula. I felt like such a failure for not being able to provide for my baby. The nurses assured me that once my actual milk came in, I would be more than able to provide for her and that she was going to be just fine as soon as we got some fluids in her. And she was. She sucked down those bottles and went on like nothing ever happened.   

   On the second night, I got even more bad news. My blood type is O+ and Rylee's blood type is A+, this caused her to have an excess of Billi Rubin in her system, way more than her little liver could process, causing her to be very jaundiced. I watched as my sweet girl became more and more yellow right before my eyes. The pediatrician began to get worried and started to talk about getting her under some photo-therapy lights. So we had to learn how to use them and were given a set of portable photo-therapy lights. On the third day, when we were finally released we had to take them home with us and were advised to keep her under the lights for at least 20 hours of everyday. We could only take them off to feed her and change her. I was devastated. I couldn't even hold my babygirl.

  Things definitely did NOT go smoothly with this delivery and directly thereafter, but I seriously could not be happier. I realize that when you're a mommy, things never go as planned, and I'm okay with that. I adore my sweet girl and I wouldn't trade her for the world. All the pain and difficulty was completely worth it. I am happier than I have ever been. I live to take care of this sweet girl and make sure she is happy and healthy. God has blessed me with a truly wonderful gift. My babygirl is my whole world, my whole heart, and I love every part of our story together so far. I can't wait to see what life has in store for us next!

I Love My Husband!

     So, this week Ryan and I have been trying to focus on us and spend a lot of time together as a couple. In less than 4 days, the dynamic of our relationship will be completely altered, because our little girl will take much of our time and attention. It won't be just us two anymore. We've talked a lot about our relationship, about how things were when we first started dating, about things we love about each other, and about our expectations for the future. And I just feel so refreshed and happy with life right now. I am so completely in love with my husband. Sometimes, I just look at him and am amazed at how he can still make my heart flutter. I absolutely adore him; it takes my breath away. I feel so reassured that no matter what life throws our way, we can make it through anything. And I am so glad that I get to begin this new adventure of becoming a parent with him. I couldn't ask for a better partner in this life. He is going to be an outstanding daddy, and together we're going to raise the most amazing little girl. I am so blessed to have a husband who truly cares for me, who is willing to try his best to understand me, and who knows how to make me happier than I've ever been. Ryan David Massengill is truly my soulmate. We fit together perfectly, and I know without a doubt that he is the only one for me. Always & Forever.

My Baby

My Baby ~ Rebecca Lee Massengill


And when I dream about you, my dreams are so real.
It's like I can hold you and feel how you feel.
I can't wait to meet you, my angel inside.
No matter where you go, from my love you can't hide.


'Cause you're my baby and I'll love you forever.
You're my strength to make it through the day.
You're my warm place in cold, stormy weather.
You're my baby, and my baby you'll stay.


And when you grow older, I will always be there.
To teach you and love you and show you I care
I don't want you to ever feel all alone.
I'm your mommy, with me you'll always have a home.


'Cause you're my baby and I'll love you forever.
You're my strength to make it through the day.
You're my warm place in cold, stormy weather.
You're my baby, and my baby you'll stay.

     So, I've been feeling very sentimental today. I had my baby shower for Rylee yesterday and seeing all of her stuff made me so anxious to meet her. And then I had the most realistic dream about her last night, and now I'm just so ready to hold my babygirl in my arms. I already love her so much, I cannot imagine how I will feel once I finally get to meet her. I'm having a C-section on Monday, June 21 because she is breech. I am so nervous about the actual procedure, but I am so ready to meet her and this complication means I get to meet her early, so I guess there's positive in every situation. Only 2 weeks until I get to hold my babygirl!!

In the beginning..

          So.. Let's start with the marriage. I was born Rebecca Lee Houghtaling, but on May, 16, 2009 I married my very best friend in the entire world, Ryan David Massengill. We became best friends our senior year of high school and started dating mid-way through our freshman year of college. We had only been dating 3 months before we got engaged and were only engaged for 3 months before we got married. Things happened really fast, but it was one of those situations of when you know, you know. We are very obviously soul-mates. And I fall more and more in love with him everyday. A lot of people said that getting married at 19 was a mistake and that our marriage wouldn't last, but we didn't leave any room for doubt in our relationship. We truly love each other and we're gonna be together until death do us part.

         When we got married, we were both had 3 years left of college to go, so we decided we would wait about 5 years before expanding our family and starting to try for children. Well, God had other plans for us. We had been married for about 5 months when we discovered that I was pregnant. We were pretty unstable financially and were completely unprepared for that news, so we kinda freaked out. But as time went on, we began to understand that God had big plans for this child, and we realized that everything was gonna be okay. Ryan decided to take a break from college until after I got my degree, so he could work more hours and improve our financial situation. After I graduate and become a teacher, he will go back to school and complete his degree in electrical engineering. For now, we are preparing to welcome our first child into this world and give her everything we have, which is mostly just a lot of love, but, in my opinion, that's what's really important in this life. Our lil girl, Rylee Love is due on June 26, and we couldn't be more excited about our family's new addition.

          Well, now you're mostly caught up and I'm tired of typing, so until next time...