Some of My Crazy...

     Lately, I have been pretty stressed out and it seems like it just keeps getting worse, so I thought writing about it might help. I have gone back and forth about it because I am not sure how much of my crazy I want to let out onto the world wide web, but I do not think that I am feeling anything that every other person has not felt before. Everyone gets stressed, everyone gets disappointed, everyone gets sad from time to time, so I figured sharing could not hurt.
     So... What has me so stressed out? Let's see.

1. Ryan got laid of from work and unemployment checks are literally half of what he was making, never mind that we lost benefits, too. We have some savings, but our lifestyle has to change drastically in order to make them last. 
2. Rylee has been going through a defiant stage. This can be a good thing, she is learning to be independent and make her own choices and trust herself, but it's hard to remember that this is a good thing when she is opposing me on every little thing throughout the day.
3. I just graduated college which is amazing, but that also technically makes me unemployed. That scares me. I have had some good leads on hopeful teaching positions, but obviously no contracts have been signed this early in the summer, so it makes me slightly nervous that August will find me jobless. It's also a possibility.
4. Next week we are taking Rylee on her first vacation with Ryan's family. I have no idea how she is going to react being in a brand new place with little to no alone time, which she has begun to desire more and more of. I get the feeling it's going to be anything but relaxing.
5. I am feeling a lot of pressure to be perfect. I need to have a better body before going to the beach, so I cut out some of my favorite foods and vamped up my workout. I need to be the perfect mom, so I feel so guilty when I lose my patience with Rylee's strong personality. I need to be the perfect wife, so even though Ryan knows how I'm feeling, I feel like I shouldn't talk about it too much, so I keep it in.

     But I don't want to end this on a bad note. There is a lot of good going on in my life, too. Rylee went to the nursery at church today and for the first time ever, so played and didn't cry. She's learning so quickly and becoming so smart. I can't wait to see what the future holds for this very special little lady. I am excited about taking Rylee on her first vacation and showing her the beach and the ocean. It might be crazy, but it's also going to be a lot of fun. I also am very blessed to have a place to live, a family I adore, 2 vehicles that run, and food on our table. And no matter how scary this all is, I KNOW that God has a plan for us that is better than we could ever imagine. It's just the waiting to see how it all unfolds that can be a little tough.